I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Michael Bay diarrhea
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
