So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
