How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
