What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
