Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
