so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
