the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My ass is underappreciated
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
