My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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