Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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