The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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