okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
