We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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