look no pants
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
