why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
