Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
