Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
