he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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