oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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