The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize