wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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