bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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