This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
