were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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