New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
