I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drake has all the answers
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize