WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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