dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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