And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
