She's JV to your varsity
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
