I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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