mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
