Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize