using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
