i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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