I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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