She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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