I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
