By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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