I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
