You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
