I want to make a zoo with you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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