some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
