She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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