I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
