I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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