she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
