the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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