Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
