Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
