I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
