pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
