What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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