I just made out with a guy for $7.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
