I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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