Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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