here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
