Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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