my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
