I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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