Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
