I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
