just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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