i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
