You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
