if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
