I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
