is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
