Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
