Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
