I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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