I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
