He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
