I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
