there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
