Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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