Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
