True but thats because hes a fetus.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
