If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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