i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
