we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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