My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize